worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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