i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize