If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
