i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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