david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
