He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
