I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
