I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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