and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
