Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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