Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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