While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize