fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
