Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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