You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i think my cat just said my name.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
