our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She told me I should be a condom model.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think your dad took our porno
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
