I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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