You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
