she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
