Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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