just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
