this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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