At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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