she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
