and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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