bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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