You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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