she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
