Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Who did Billy Mays play for?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
