so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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