i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
