i was born a porn star she said
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have feelings that need drinking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
