We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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