did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize