I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
