The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
