Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
