a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
