About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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