If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
