how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
