So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
