It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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