It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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