how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
