it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
