i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
