The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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