The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
