Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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