So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
