my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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