woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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