Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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