I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
