We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
