i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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