I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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