I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
