i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
